Humans are unique in that we are the only species that get to choose what we become. Strawberries do not manifest abundance; they are abundant, providing food for us, the slugs and the birds. The hawthorn tree does not compare its white blossom to the elder tree, and the apple tree is not trying harder or wanting to be a pear. Each is becoming according to its nature and according to the conditions surrounding it.
And that raises a question.
In a culture obsessed with self-improvement and hacks, have we forgotten to ask about conditions? Have we become so focused on changing ourselves that we have not asked the question? What environments allow transformation to occur?
One of the things ancient myths understood, which modern culture often forgets, is that transformation is rarely a solo act. There are witnesses and threshold keepers. The initiate is rarely really alone, although at times it may feel to them as if they are, because isn’t that rather the point? Even though it is their threshold journey, there are those who guide the way: midwives, priestesses, and companions, to name just a few.
Because the conditions for becoming include relationship.
In Inanna’s descent, she would not have returned had it not been for Ninshubur, who grieved for her and petitioned the gods on her behalf. Inanna was wise enough to create the conditions for her return by asking Ninshubur not to forget her. This is something myth understands that modern culture often forgets. Transformation for Inanna was not done solo; without Ninshubur, she would still be in the underworld.
These witnesses and threshold keepers hold a thread for us when we can no longer see our own way clearly. Their role is to prepare, witness and listen; to prepare the conditions in which something hidden can emerge; and to hold a thread so that we may return.
Whether that is a ceremony, a birth, a community, or a new aspect of self.
And perhaps this is where belonging enters the story. We often imagine belonging as something we find. Yet belonging may be less about finding the right place and more about being held within the right conditions. Conditions where we can grow without constantly proving ourselves, where we can experiment with who we are becoming, and where we can be witnessed in our uncertainty. Where those who hold the threshold can guide our return when we have lost our way.
Nature teaches us this lesson over and over again.
Before the tree can bear fruit, the soil must be right. Much of the activity that supports life happens beneath the surface. Fungi, bacteria, nematodes and mycelial networks work in relationship with one another. Not competing to become something else, but participating in a larger ecology of becoming.
Perhaps we are not so different.
We live in a time of enormous change. Many people, myself included, are exhausted from holding together identities and lives that no longer fully fit who we are becoming. Something new is emerging, both personally and collectively. This feels like a time of becoming for so many. And yet new growth is fragile. It needs protection, community and a sense of our belonging to something meaningful.
So instead of asking what I need to become, I find myself asking a different question.
What conditions would allow that becoming to occur, and who, in my life, is helping to prepare the soil?
As I finish writing this, I also find myself wondering:
Who has witnessed your becoming? Not encouraged it or advised it, but borne witness to it.
Who held the thread as you crossed a threshold?
I’d love to hear your reflections below.
I deeply resonate with this Louise. Both as someone who is often called upon to witness the transformation of others and having been called into deep retreat into the cave alone. Those conditions are very important, but not something I have pondered about a great deal at the time. For me it would be sense of safety, but able to take risk, to be able to share the highs, but be truly honest about the lows. When I can do these things I feel witnessed and able to move through the next phase.
What a valuable insight - I muse about similar often - for me balance is key in terms of feminine and masculine energies at its most basic - that is what I see as the ‘cauldron’ that holds the space we need. The other key for me is that once we are held, facilitated, midwifed, experienced a rite of passage, we must then reach inwards not outwards to become (whole or our true selves - whatever). A modern problem I perceive is that too many people even when held or being guided still look to others to ‘make themselves’ to achieve whatever identity they aspire to.